Running on Tuesday after work was tough, all the way through the day, all the way back down the M3 to Hill Lane, where I parked up, got out of the mobile oven, stretched and then started the pound round the common. The temptation of the internal dialogue was strong that day, the lure of the sofa, a nice cup of tea, a soak in the bath all sounded really rather lovely. The weather still showing off in all it's May glory, still hot but not quite as scorchio as it has been, so the run on Tuesday evening should have been something to look forward to, something to be excited about but it just kind of didn't?
I'd been thinking about it all day at work, drifting in and out of the internal, shall I, shan't I conversation. I did find a way to shut up the voice full of wonderful promises of sofas, tea, and movies and replace it with a more factual more enticing voice.
Part of the reason for this blog is purely selfish, it's extraordinarily cathartic to write what you want without a care in the world, there are no FSA guidelines to follow, no one to insult, and if you did, well then, they can just stop reading? No other opinions to garner prior to publishing, it's just plain unadulterated me.
So, Tuesday I was thinking about immediate gratification and not thinking about the long term benefits and rewards, a combination of moving away from pain and moving towards pleasure. Moving away from pain was the fear that I could still be sat on my arse wishing I was fit and a couple of dress sizes smaller (I am quite, quite bored of hearing that voice) and moving towards pleasure which was, getting addicted to running, and not being filled with fear and loathing whenever I needed to shop for clothes. Can't bear it now, all those people, all those ridiculous fashion items. Surely most of the shoes in New Look are for men who want to dress in drag? Some clothes I look at and I'm not even sure how you'd wear them, and as for getting the bongadongs in dresses forget it, imagine, if you will Les Dawson. So enough of the self flagelation, move onto the moving towards pleasure, I was part way there and digressed. So most importantly for me, the sheer feeling of pride at the achievement I'm working towards. I can feel it now as I write, it's hard to describe, it's like a giant smile spreading from my heart out through every part of me, it feels like I'm light as a feather, like I could fly and achieve anything. That's the feeling I'm going to anchor, the feeling I'm going to go back to time and time again for those days when the sofa is calling my name because when you feel as though you could turn inside out from the smile radiating from your heart, that's a bloody amazing feeling.
Wednesday 30 May 2012
Sunday 27 May 2012
Bongadongs, baps, puppy's, ma boys . . .
Chinese foot binding for the chest
I always believed running wasn't for me, you see I'm one of those 'lucky' or 'unlucky' women that has big boobs. I say 'unlucky', you try carrying them around when you know that you can wear your bra cup as a hat if required. So you can probably imagine why I was put off running, Australian Beach Volley Ball it wasn't, fisticuffs and bruising for a slow three mile plod was closer to the mark. The advice for newbie runners is all about the trainers, got to have them fitted, got to have your gait looked at (not the one in your front garden), double skinned socks to help stop blisters and a good sports bra. For any woman who exercises this is very, very important indeed. I haven't been shopping for my sports bra, no, don't need to, you see what you need to do is to keep hold of the sports bra from about ten years ago, when you were a couple of sizes smaller. Clearly a shoe horn is helpful with this delicate operation but worth it. Regardless of the tatty, unsightly, fraying garment shouting above the sound of any T-Shirt I'm wearing, it does it's job, to a point. Here's the rub (snigger) the only way to achieve no movement, is going to need Chinese Foot Binding for the chest, and this in itself is going to cause a couple of issues. Number one, how long would it take to be bound? Would the whole running experience become one long winded dressing up game? Number two, how tight would the bandages need to be before oxygen is restricted and you keel over in the first 100 meters? I'm guessing, go with what you know, keep the old faithful going and visualise the future a little lighter, a bit more musclely and a little less bounce.
In Tiger fashion, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy . . .
Fun, fun, fun, fun . . . you get the drift. This heat that we've all been waiting for is here and it's hot. For a novice runner the heat is an added obstacle so this morning at 8.30am I lept from my bed Tiger like, donned my running gear and headed off to brave the May heat. Hot already at 9am on a Sunday morning, a very stark comparison to last Sunday when it was freezing, a slight exaggeration, but hey, don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. So I ran in the heat, the same route as last Sunday and I think I stopped less and I think physically it might have felt a little better but I'm not sure. As yet I haven't remembered to note down the time I leave and the time I arrive home but all in due course. I also haven't managed to weigh myself. I have some scales but I don't think they work. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that the numbers the scales might show, I would completely deny and scoff at. You'd be wrong, what I mean is the scales don't even actually show any numbers . . . . I suppose I could take that as a positive? At the moment I'm focused on just getting out there, moving my legs in a forward motion and enjoying it. I'm also wallowing in the sense of pride that I'm starting to feel about me, a slow growing feeling that I will actually achieve the 10 miles and do it well, but more importantly that I will properly love myself for it.
And I challenge you not to smile to yourself if you say 'Bongadongs'.
I always believed running wasn't for me, you see I'm one of those 'lucky' or 'unlucky' women that has big boobs. I say 'unlucky', you try carrying them around when you know that you can wear your bra cup as a hat if required. So you can probably imagine why I was put off running, Australian Beach Volley Ball it wasn't, fisticuffs and bruising for a slow three mile plod was closer to the mark. The advice for newbie runners is all about the trainers, got to have them fitted, got to have your gait looked at (not the one in your front garden), double skinned socks to help stop blisters and a good sports bra. For any woman who exercises this is very, very important indeed. I haven't been shopping for my sports bra, no, don't need to, you see what you need to do is to keep hold of the sports bra from about ten years ago, when you were a couple of sizes smaller. Clearly a shoe horn is helpful with this delicate operation but worth it. Regardless of the tatty, unsightly, fraying garment shouting above the sound of any T-Shirt I'm wearing, it does it's job, to a point. Here's the rub (snigger) the only way to achieve no movement, is going to need Chinese Foot Binding for the chest, and this in itself is going to cause a couple of issues. Number one, how long would it take to be bound? Would the whole running experience become one long winded dressing up game? Number two, how tight would the bandages need to be before oxygen is restricted and you keel over in the first 100 meters? I'm guessing, go with what you know, keep the old faithful going and visualise the future a little lighter, a bit more musclely and a little less bounce.
In Tiger fashion, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy . . .
Fun, fun, fun, fun . . . you get the drift. This heat that we've all been waiting for is here and it's hot. For a novice runner the heat is an added obstacle so this morning at 8.30am I lept from my bed Tiger like, donned my running gear and headed off to brave the May heat. Hot already at 9am on a Sunday morning, a very stark comparison to last Sunday when it was freezing, a slight exaggeration, but hey, don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. So I ran in the heat, the same route as last Sunday and I think I stopped less and I think physically it might have felt a little better but I'm not sure. As yet I haven't remembered to note down the time I leave and the time I arrive home but all in due course. I also haven't managed to weigh myself. I have some scales but I don't think they work. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that the numbers the scales might show, I would completely deny and scoff at. You'd be wrong, what I mean is the scales don't even actually show any numbers . . . . I suppose I could take that as a positive? At the moment I'm focused on just getting out there, moving my legs in a forward motion and enjoying it. I'm also wallowing in the sense of pride that I'm starting to feel about me, a slow growing feeling that I will actually achieve the 10 miles and do it well, but more importantly that I will properly love myself for it.
And I challenge you not to smile to yourself if you say 'Bongadongs'.
Saturday 26 May 2012
Obi-wan-Clairenobi
Be mindful of your thoughts Claire, they'll betray you
Oh my goodness I'm getting far too into the 'Jedi Runners' chat. Don't get me wrong I do like Star Wars, I grew up with it, my Mum loved it but isn't there a point when you should grow out of it? Maybe I should do the Great South Run as Princess Leah? Anyway I digress, last Sunday I ran a course of just off 3 miles, all stops and starts and slow but I loved it, the endorphins were out and life was rosy. Sunday afternoon was different, the hormone Gremlins took up residence, alongside some low self esteem and a large dash of catastrophising, all doing a wonderful job of wiping out the endorphins. This carried on for a couple of days. I wasn't mindful of my thoughts and they sent me on a brief and unpleasant journey. From my toolkit I can use, Relaxation with Self Hypnosis, noticing that my thinking was distorted, putting two and two together and making five (in the world of hypno known as a Complex Equivalent), I could have identified my negative cognitions and restructured them, used a bit of thought stopping, the list goes on. It was a stark reminder of how horrible we can be to ourselves, and just how prevalent it is. You'll be pleased to know that I've kicked all that into touch with a very strong right foot and will practice and refine the exercises to prevent this happening in the future.
May the Force be with you
With hormones playing a part in many women's lives, some of the effects great and some not so great I spent moment with Google and discovered that exercise can help with keeping those hormones on a more even keel, I can keep myself sane. Fan bloody tastic, running may just help to alleviate those regular irrational outbursts, yet another incentive to get the running shoes on and get myself out.
I’ve got a very bad feeling about this
As far as I know, (I must admit my research hasn't been extensive), you should give your poor legs a break in between each run, so Monday was out. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were evenings which were already planned with no room for a run, so the next opportunity was Friday after work. I must admit after last Sunday in the cold, coming round to Friday which was hotter than the centre of a MacDonalds Apple Pie the thought of running around the common wasn't all that inviting. Couple that with the countless young, nubile, half naked, bronzed, slim, fit, BBQing people on the common, my morale wasn't high. But, my image of myself in October being healthy, and glowing and proud having just run 10 miles was pretty good, so I began. I walked some and ran some of the 2.23 mile route. Some places I walked because I don't feel like a real runner yet. I'm slow, and bits of me still wobble, and I feel self conscious but I'll keep focusing on the end goal, how I'll feel, how I'll look and that medal. And in the meantime I'll keep doing those mental exercises to keep the force strong.
Oh and the last cigarette was on Tuesday 22nd May, still smoke free, but not yet fat free.
Oh my goodness I'm getting far too into the 'Jedi Runners' chat. Don't get me wrong I do like Star Wars, I grew up with it, my Mum loved it but isn't there a point when you should grow out of it? Maybe I should do the Great South Run as Princess Leah? Anyway I digress, last Sunday I ran a course of just off 3 miles, all stops and starts and slow but I loved it, the endorphins were out and life was rosy. Sunday afternoon was different, the hormone Gremlins took up residence, alongside some low self esteem and a large dash of catastrophising, all doing a wonderful job of wiping out the endorphins. This carried on for a couple of days. I wasn't mindful of my thoughts and they sent me on a brief and unpleasant journey. From my toolkit I can use, Relaxation with Self Hypnosis, noticing that my thinking was distorted, putting two and two together and making five (in the world of hypno known as a Complex Equivalent), I could have identified my negative cognitions and restructured them, used a bit of thought stopping, the list goes on. It was a stark reminder of how horrible we can be to ourselves, and just how prevalent it is. You'll be pleased to know that I've kicked all that into touch with a very strong right foot and will practice and refine the exercises to prevent this happening in the future.
May the Force be with you
With hormones playing a part in many women's lives, some of the effects great and some not so great I spent moment with Google and discovered that exercise can help with keeping those hormones on a more even keel, I can keep myself sane. Fan bloody tastic, running may just help to alleviate those regular irrational outbursts, yet another incentive to get the running shoes on and get myself out.
I’ve got a very bad feeling about this
As far as I know, (I must admit my research hasn't been extensive), you should give your poor legs a break in between each run, so Monday was out. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were evenings which were already planned with no room for a run, so the next opportunity was Friday after work. I must admit after last Sunday in the cold, coming round to Friday which was hotter than the centre of a MacDonalds Apple Pie the thought of running around the common wasn't all that inviting. Couple that with the countless young, nubile, half naked, bronzed, slim, fit, BBQing people on the common, my morale wasn't high. But, my image of myself in October being healthy, and glowing and proud having just run 10 miles was pretty good, so I began. I walked some and ran some of the 2.23 mile route. Some places I walked because I don't feel like a real runner yet. I'm slow, and bits of me still wobble, and I feel self conscious but I'll keep focusing on the end goal, how I'll feel, how I'll look and that medal. And in the meantime I'll keep doing those mental exercises to keep the force strong.
Oh and the last cigarette was on Tuesday 22nd May, still smoke free, but not yet fat free.
Sunday 20 May 2012
And then there was light . . .
I lay in bed, feeling like I'd had a few wines the night before and having that internal chat with myself, you know the one - shall I go for a run? I don't feel so great. What if I fall over? Or I'm sick? Or someone sees me running and laughs? What if snails are slithering faster than I run? Luckily the other side of the chat won, the conversation that goes a little like this - you know you'll feel better after you've run? You know you'll be on your way to getting fit and healthy, like you've always dreamed about. You know that you'll get some of those endorphins frolicking around making you feel great. The internal conversation probably went on for about half an hour and then I got up, put on my running gear and got out of the house.
My Mission
I'm on a mission to make lasting changes to my life, not just with my health and fitness but my career and probably most importantly my internal dialogue. For it's these internal dialogues that either help or hinder us in our lives. Either moving us forward or keeping us stuck, repeating the same patterns, never quite understanding how to get out, making the same mistakes. So rather rashly I entered the Great South Run on Tuesday 15th May. The Great South Run is 10 miles and currently, well, I'm not sure I could run for a bus. My confidence to achieve this feat of physical heroics is helped by the support group -The Jedi Runners (this name was chosen by a bloke, of course - isn't Star Wars just part of a mans DNA now?). The Jedi Runners has been pulled together by Adam Eason. And it's at the Adam Eason School of Therapeautic Hypnosis that I'm learning to be a Clinical Hypnotherapist and am filling my brain choc full of tools to get me to the finish line on 27th October (as well as how to help others).
Smoking
First things first though, the smoking has to go. Wednesday was going to be quit day but I'm going to bring it forward to today. I probably won't smoke today anyway so why not make today the day. My smoking habit was one or two a day, sometimes I'd go a few days without one, and sometimes I'd smoke more, so some would say not a proper smoker but it's crappy habit, makes me feel bad emotionally and physically so the weed has to go. The Stop Smoking download is already on my laptop, so it'll be firing up later today.
Making This Look More Interesting
Once I get a bit more organised I'll put up how far I've run, times, weight etc, maybe even a few pictures.
Feeling a little smug, which might be short lived once the muscles start complaining!
My Mission
I'm on a mission to make lasting changes to my life, not just with my health and fitness but my career and probably most importantly my internal dialogue. For it's these internal dialogues that either help or hinder us in our lives. Either moving us forward or keeping us stuck, repeating the same patterns, never quite understanding how to get out, making the same mistakes. So rather rashly I entered the Great South Run on Tuesday 15th May. The Great South Run is 10 miles and currently, well, I'm not sure I could run for a bus. My confidence to achieve this feat of physical heroics is helped by the support group -The Jedi Runners (this name was chosen by a bloke, of course - isn't Star Wars just part of a mans DNA now?). The Jedi Runners has been pulled together by Adam Eason. And it's at the Adam Eason School of Therapeautic Hypnosis that I'm learning to be a Clinical Hypnotherapist and am filling my brain choc full of tools to get me to the finish line on 27th October (as well as how to help others).
Smoking
First things first though, the smoking has to go. Wednesday was going to be quit day but I'm going to bring it forward to today. I probably won't smoke today anyway so why not make today the day. My smoking habit was one or two a day, sometimes I'd go a few days without one, and sometimes I'd smoke more, so some would say not a proper smoker but it's crappy habit, makes me feel bad emotionally and physically so the weed has to go. The Stop Smoking download is already on my laptop, so it'll be firing up later today.
Making This Look More Interesting
Once I get a bit more organised I'll put up how far I've run, times, weight etc, maybe even a few pictures.
Feeling a little smug, which might be short lived once the muscles start complaining!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)